Pronful Tales of Seduction
by Arigatomina
Summary: Smutty Yaoi Crack, various pairings. Currently up, Fudomine, Kamio Akira in the seduction of Ibu Shinji.
1. Seducing Shinji I

**Author's Notes:** This is crack. Crude, smutty, random crack. Expect ooc behavior, foul language and dirty talk as well as crude references to sex. This may end up with romance and it may end up with plotless lemons for various pairings. All I know is I wanted to do a smutty tenipuri lemon-fest fic and this is what I got. They're all gay here. Shinji just happens to be my favorite right now. I expect to torture Fuji, Yukimura, or Oshitari next. I like me some tensai smut. ;p

_Category:_ Yaoi, Anime, Prince of Tennis  
_Pairings (for this part):_ **KamioxShinji**, IshidaxSakurai, MorixUchimura  
**_Warnings:_** reference to sex, language  
_Author:_ Arigatomina

**Pronful Tales of Seduction**

_Seducing Shinji, I_

It was a Friday when Kamio Akira set out to seduce his best friend. More accurately, it was a Friday when he decided that Ibu Shinji had to be seduced posthaste and that he, as the boy's closest friend, was the best person for the job. There had been some suspicious people hanging around the courts lately, like that blue-haired vulcan from Jyousei and a big hulking guy who looked suspiciously like that mute flunky of Atobe's. Kamio suspected the latter might have to do with him rather than Shinji, but he wasn't taking any chances. There was danger inside the team, too. Ishida was getting more tactile, and Shinji had confided in him last week that Tachibana had pet his back in a "weird way" in the locker room after practice. That sneaky captain.

The decision to seduce Shinji now, as apposed to later, was simple to make. The vultures were closing in. Even his own teammates were trying to get some. And damnit all, they_ knew _he had dibbs. He'd made it clear the first time Ishida had suggested inviting Tachibana and Shinji to one of their sleepovers. Tachibana, sure. But Kamio had known back then that Shinji was a virgin and there was no way he'd let his best friend's first time be in the midst of a bunch of horny guys who'd been doing that sort of thing for years. No way in hell. He was going to go out with Shinji first. Exclusively. And then, if Shinji decided he was interested in a little casual sex on the side, well, maybe he'd think about sharing once in a while. Maybe. Ishida had done the same thing with Sakurai when they first started going out, so it was only fair. Kamio's mind had been made up for over two years and it was a Friday when he decided to make his move. The question was how exactly one went about seducing a quirky virginal tensai who had an open aversion to being touched and disliked any situation where he wasn't in control.

Friday night found him slouched by the closet in Ishida's room, scowling over a bowl of chips and brainstorming with his friends. Ishida and Mori were a lot more experienced than he was, so he figured they were something of an authority on seme versus uke dynamics. Kamio considered himself pretty versatile when it came to that, but there was no way he was going to play uke to a first-timer who'd never even been kissed. No, he'd have to be prepared to teach Shinji the ropes as a confident seme if this was going to work. That was assuming Shinji was the least bit interested.

"What if he's straight?" Kamio blurted.

Mori and Ishida exchanged a startled look and burst out laughing. They laughed louder when Kamio bristled and glared at them.

"Yeah, right," Ishida snorted. "He's a tennis player. How many straight tennis players have you met?"

"Well," Kamio frowned, "I thought that vulcan guy was straight till I found out he'd been calling Shinji looking to _'practice' _sometime."

"He's bi," smiled Mori. "I heard there's one of those at Seigaku, too. Crushing on their tensai, but otherwise as straight as a tennis player can get. Everyone knows even the straightest players turn gay when they run across a pretty tensai. Look at what happened to Sanada."

"Point," said Kamio. "But Shinji _is_ a tensai, so..."

Ishida laughed again and shook his head at how naive Kamio was, considering his experience. "The tensai's are the gayest ones of all. Where have you been? All you got to do is look at them, you know? Oshitari?"

"Gay," admitted Kamio. "Practically has a girlfriend with that little partner of his..."

"Fuji?"

"_Sadistic_ gay," Mori snorted. Kamio gave a reluctant nod.

"That Rikkai captain?"

"Way gay," said Kamio, rolling his eyes. "But I thought that Kirihara was their tensai."

"Either way," Ishida waved. "What? You don't think he's gay?"

"That entire team is gay," laughed Mori. "They're as bad as us."

"Same with Hyoutei and Seigaku," nodded Ishida. "See? They're all gay. Even if there _were_ a few holdouts, all it takes is one match against a tensai and they turn."

"So Shinji's definitely gay," said Kamio.

"Yeah," said Ishida. "No worries there. He's just too stuck in his own head to notice."

"What should I do, then?" asked Kamio.

Mori smiled pleasantly. "Invite him to a late practice. I'm sure Tachibana-san would lend you the keys. Then jump him in the locker room."

"Or the showers," said Ishida. "You can offer to..._wash his back_."

"Oh, sure," scoffed Kamio. "And what do I do when he freaks? He throws a fit if anyone so much as looks at him in the shower room. Forget trying to touch him."

Ishida let out a frustrated sigh. "Now, see? That's your problem. He's going to freak one way or another. He's_ Shinji_. Just ignore it. Gag him if you have to. Mm...now there's a thought..."

Kamio jolted forward with a black scowl on his face. Mori got there first, whacking Ishida upside the head.

"You can fantasize later," Mori lectured. "Right now we're helping Kamio."

"Hey," Ishida protested, "I was being helpful! It'd be a lot easier with two people. You know, someone to keep him still long enough for him to realize it's not so bad."

"You're just trying to get in on it," snapped Kamio. "Besides, I'm trying to seduce him here, not rape him."

Ishida winced. "Now that's harsh."

"Probably true, though," said Mori. "You just don't start a virgin out with bondage. Be a little more sensitive."

"Really," said Kamio.

"Oh, come on," Ishida muttered, rolling his eyes. "Do you want to fuck him, or make him fall in love with you?"

Kamio considered that for all of five seconds. "Both?"

"Oh, dear," sighed Mori. "Kamio, you do realize that Shinji already likes you, right? You're all he talks about."

"And considering how much he talks," said Ishida, "that's a lot."

"The problem," said Mori, "is that he hasn't shown any sign that he's attracted to you, or anyone else, for that matter. After you jump him, he'll realize he's not asexual and that it's normal to have sex with the person he likes best. I know you've been putting this off for a while, but really, he's not getting any uglier. If you try starting from scratch, there's no way you're going to get him before someone else does."

"Seriously," Ishida sighed. "I can't count how many opportunities I've had to jump him this month alone. I swear, he can't keep putting his foot up on the bench when he ties his shoes. Hell, even Tachibana-san stopped pretending he wasn't watching _that_."

Kamio felt a sly smile cross his face at the thought. As frustrating as it was that Shinji didn't have a clue, it did make for some tantalizing images. Like how he always picked the corner shower so his back was to the room, as if a rear view was any less tempting. Or the way he dozed off on the bus with his head tilted so the entire length of his neck was just begging for a nibble. And the sounds he made after a long practice, all hot and sweaty and panting, strands of his hair clinging to flushed cheeks. He always pouted a little and licked his lower lip when he was thirsty. Then there were the quiet sounds he made in the back of his throat on those rare occasions he let Kamio rub his sore shoulders after a rough match. He was so fucking hot.

"Okay, guys," Kamio said suddenly. He took a deep breath and set his bowl to the side. "Gotta focus here. Yeah. So... I was thinking I'd feel him up a little, you know, make some advances starting slow and work my way up to it. I figure if I try jumping him, he'll either run away or think I'm attacking him and fight back. Then I won't get far enough to show him it's nice - he'll get all grudge-bearing mutter of gloom on me and avoid me for a year or two. My question is, how far is too far for the first try? I mean, should I tell him something first? Or just make a move on him and _then_ explain that I like him and want to take it up a notch?"

"Well," said Mori, "if you're really set on seducing him, you shouldn't start out too fast. Tell him you like him first. Then, when he misinterprets that-"

"Because you know he will," Ishida put in.

"You show him what you mean by making your first move," Mori finished. "Kissing, hugging, maybe some groping. But nothing below the belt unless he kisses back."

"Slip him the tongue," said Ishida. "If he gags and gets sick on you, you can forget that 'go slow' shit. If he can't even handle a little tongue you just know he's going to be freaking out over every single thing. Guys like that, you pretty much gotta go all the way the first time 'cause you won't be getting a second try if you don't."

Kamio groaned and rubbed his head. "This sounds so messy. Did you have this much trouble with Sakurai?"

"Hell, no," Ishida laughed. "He was a little shy at first, but he knew he was gay. I mean, sure, we had a few hiccups. He's not one for having something bigger than a tongue in his mouth, doesn't like dirty talk, has this thing where he won't do it unless we're face to face - but nothing you can't work around. When I said jump him, I didn't mean force him to do stuff he's really set against. Unless he's really set against sex, in which case, it's just because he's never done it before. The little stuff, though, you'll pick that up quick. Everyone has something he just doesn't like."

"Like biting," said Mori. "Asphyxiation, fisting, doing it without lube..."

Ishida sent him a droll look. "I was talking about the basics. He's a virgin, remember? Kamio doesn't want to leave him traumatized for life."

"Yeah," Kamio grimaced. "And I still think that fisting shit's just crazy."

Mori gave a prim little sniff. "Don't knock it till you've tried it."

"Eh, I'd rather not."

"You never know," Mori shrugged. "Shinji might like that sort of thing."

Kamio choked and his eyes glazed over. Ishida returned the favor by slapping Mori upside the head.

"Shinji's a virgin," Ishida muttered to him. "_Virgin_. No bondage, no kinky sex tricks. He has to lay him before they can start experimenting. Dumbass."

"As long as he remembers to keep an open mind," Mori smiled. "If he wants to start out with a monogamous relationship, he'll need to take his partner's preferences into consideration. After all, if Kamio can't satisfy him, there are plenty of other people willing to."

Kamio drifted back after hearing something about his not being able to satisfy Shinji. He scowled dazedly and nibbled a handful of chips. "Where were we again...?"

"Fisting," said Mori.

"Urk!"

"Damnit, Mori," scowled Ishida. He pounded on Kamio's back till the chips dislodged and the redhead coughed his throat clear. "We were at _slow_. You tell him you like him, want him, then you feel him up a little and slip him the tongue. If he doesn't put up a fight, you take it a little further and aim for that neck of his. If he likes that, well, you keep going. Jerk him off or something."

"Just make sure it's about him," said Mori. "You're doing it because you want to make _him_ feel good, not because he looks like he'd be a tight lay. Though he really does, all lanky and innocent. Ah, it's been so long since I've defiled a virgin. And Shinji looks like such a screamer...I bet he'd whimper at every _single_ thrust..."

Kamio choked again, and Ishida slapped a bottle of water into his hand. Then he turned to whack the pervert upside the head, harder this time.

"Stop it, Mori," Ishida growled. "Seriously. You're getting as bad as Uchimura. I don't mind that most of the time, but right now it's not helping."

"Hai, hai," Mori winced, rubbing at his abused head. "I'll behave. Don't hit so hard unless you mean it, playboy. Anyway, Kamio, do you need anything? A location? Alcohol?"

"Lube?" Ishida offered.

"Um, no," Kamio mumbled. His throat hurt from all the choking. "He's coming over tomorrow. I'll have the place to myself most of the weekend. I don't think we'll get that far, but I have stuff if we need it. And I'm _not_ getting him drunk, Mori, so shut it. That's as bad as gagging him so he can't say no. Seduction, remember? Not rape."

"We know," Ishida assured him, though his expression said Kamio was being a little too prudish about the subject. "Just remember that it's not rape once he starts begging for more. Hell, you were the same way the first time we tied you up. Didn't hear any protests after that, now did we."

"I protested," Kamio snapped. "I had marks on my arms all week! Why do you think I wouldn't try it again? And don't even get it in your head about trying that shit with Shinji till you find something better than bungee cords. I don't care if he _does_ end up liking that sort of thing. Those fucking rope burns _hurt_. Bondage freaks."

"Now, now," Mori murmured. "You just don't like being uke. If you hadn't struggled so much it wouldn't have left marks."

"Whatever," Kamio scoffed. "The point is, I want to do this right. Start out slow. And I'm not tying him up, drugging him, or shoving a fist up his ass. I swear, I gotta find less perverted friends to get advice from."

Ishida laughed at that. "You're getting advice on sex. Tips on how to jump someone. It's gonna be perverted no matter what. We're just more straightforward about it than the prudes would be."

"Whatever," Kamio said again. "I'm going home. He's coming over early."

Ishida straightened at that. "What? You're not gonna play around a little?"

"No way," Kamio glowered. "You're in kinky moods and I need to focus on Shinji. The last thing I want is for one of you to rub off on me. I swear, I don't know how the hell I got talked into losing my virginity to a bunch like you. And you wonder why I won't let you go near Shinji..."

The two teammates watched Kamio leave the room. Then they frowned at each other. Ishida snorted in exasperation.

"He sure complains a lot the day after," he muttered. "How much you want to bet he'll be calling me for alcohol tomorrow night?"

"No bet," Mori smirked. "And knowing Shinji, alcohol will just make him pass out, so even that won't help. Poor Kamio. He really has his work cut out for him. If he'd just let me handle it, I'm sure we could have him addicted in...oh, a few hours at most."

Ishida smirked back at him. "Yeah, Kamio's way too quick to forget that he came hopping back for more as soon as he could walk straight. I give him a week before he breaks down and just jumps him. Seduce _Shinji_? Right. Like trying to talk a cat into taking a swim."

"Or talking Tachibana-san into playing uke for the rest of us," laughed Mori. "Poor Kamio. He'll learn eventually that sometimes bondage is the only solution."

_**.-.  
TBC**_


	2. Seducing Shinji II

Note: I have this theory. How do you shut up someone who can ramble to himself for hours on end? Never let him get a word in to begin with. Hence my talkative!Kamio.

Warning: much dialogue  
Pairing: KamioxShinji

**Pronful Tales of Seduction**

_Seducing Shinji, II_

By five pm, Saturday, Kamio was beginning to question his manhood. He seemed to have lost his balls somewhere in the last few hours, and losing his practice match against Shinji hadn't helped matters any. The gameplan was to give Shinji a good workout, maybe rile him up a little, and offer to rub his shoulders after so they'd be in an intimate, or at least tactile, position when he made his move. Losing the match hadn't been part of the plan. Getting Shinji all suspicious and paranoid hadn't been part of the plan, either. It just figured the one time Shinji noticed something was up was the one time it didn't involve arousal. Kamio had spent twenty minutes of fast talking to get Shinji into his room, and now he had no idea how to get those guards down again.

Shinji wasn't even muttering. He was watching him. From the desk because he didn't want to go any closer until he knew what Kamio was up to. And he stiffened a little every time Kamio so much as fidgeted from his seat on the edge of the bed. Almost as if he expected to be jumped. Maybe he did. It was really hard to get something past a paranoid Shinji.

If Kamio had been better at planning, and admitting defeat, he would have aborted the attempt and went back to the drawing board. Surely there were other people he could get advice from. Someone who dealt with a twitchy sharp-eyed tensai all the time and came out on top. It made him wonder who was nailing Kirihara. The one to do that had to be the perfect person to get advice from. At least Shinji wasn't prone to violence. As far as he knew.

"If you aren't going to say anything," Shinji spoke up, "I'm going home."

Kamio jolted at that. For a moment he forgot _'The Plan' _and remembered the plans he'd made with his best friend. "I thought you were going to stay over..."

"You're being strange," Shinji muttered. He was still giving that sharp look that noted even the smallest muscle twitch.

Kamio suddenly wondered if this were how opponents felt when Shinji used his 'spot' technique on them. He gave a funny look and tried to scoff. "I am not. I'm just pissed that I lost so quick. My rhythm was all messed up."

"Hm..."

And now Shinji's eyes were narrow and he was staring at him even harder. Kamio fought the need to squirm. Where the hell had his balls gone? He was the seme here, damnit. Shinji didn't make him nervous. Nothing did. He was a seducer and Shinji was the vulnerable, unsuspecting target. Yeah. Shinji was the one who should be squirming and looking nervous. If he had any idea the sort of things Kamio wanted to do to him...

"Your face is getting red," Shinji noted. A slow blink, then his head was tilted curiously, all that suspicion replaced by casual interest. "Maybe you're sick."

Dear God, he was blushing. Kamio sputtered and rubbed a furious hand over his cheek. That was it. Balls or no balls, he wasn't gonna be the nervous, squirming, _blushing_ one here. Time for the direct approach.

"I'm not sick," he sighed, with a frustrated scowl. "I just had a bad game and you're rubbing my nose in it. Come sit over here. There's something I want to talk to you about."

"We're talking now," said Shinji, master of the obvious when he wasn't being oblivious.

Kamio gritted his teeth in a painful smile. "Yeah, we are. But this is important, see? I don't wanna talk across the room at you. Come on, Shinji. I'm not gonna bite."

Shinji snorted a little at that. But he also got up and crossed the room. Kamio did his best not to grin evilly as he was joined on the edge of the bed. Score one for the direct approach. Bonus points for getting Shinji on the bed with him.

"How important is it?" asked Shinji. He was frowning now, but still curious. "You should have said it before we played. Your rhythm always gets skewed when you're distracted. I've never seen you play so badly. I thought you lost on purpose, but you should know better than to do that and think I wouldn't notice. Unless you really are sick. You're not going to tell me you're dying, are you? You better not be. Because there are much better ways to tell someone something like that than-"

"Wha...? No! Stop," Kamio blurted, "seriously. I didn't play _that_ bad. I throw one game and you think I'm _dying_?"

"It was pretty bad," Shinji admitted. "You stumbled and you were _slow_ and you kept looking at me instead of the ball. I thought you were plotting something, especially after what Shinjou-san told me, but it would make sense if you had something serious to tell me and it was distracting you. I'm glad it's nothing terminal, though. I'd rather have you ask me out than tell me you're dying."

"Wha..." Kamio jolted back a little. He closed his eyes tight and then frowned at Shinji's serious expression. "Can you repeat that...?"

"I don't want you to die," Shinji said, in a matter of fact tone. "You're my best friend."

"Got that part," Kamio waved. He was starting to get annoyed now. And who'd have guessed, his balls were back with a vengeance. "Repeat that last part about _Shinjou_ and asking you out."

"He said you were probably going to," Shinji shrugged. "He invited me to practice with him and some friends of his, you know how he's been calling me a lot lately, and I told him I was coming over here. And he said to watch out because you were being really suspicious the last time he saw you. Like you were planning to ask me out and didn't want anyone else to first. I didn't think so, but then you played so bad I wasn't sure anymore. Would that be something that hurts your game? You shouldn't go out with anyone if it's going to ruin your tennis."

"It's the asking that's hard," Kamio muttered, "not the going out. I can't _believe_ that vulcan freak. You turn him down so he tries to turn you against me? Where does he get off? He's not even on our team!"

Shinji blinked and frowned a little, like he wasn't sure if he were confused or suspicious. "I don't think rival players should practice together away from their teammates. I told him that, too, so there's no reason he'd get mad and try to stop me from practicing with you, instead. He's just paranoid because you run him off when he tries to talk to me after school. You shouldn't keep doing that. People will get the wrong idea, and it's not like I can't just explain why I don't want to practice with rival teams."

Kamio's smile was tight enough to hurt, but not nearly as much as that vulcan was going to be hurting the next time he caught up to him. "Shinji, I don't think _tennis_ is what he wants to _practice_ with you."

Shinji gave a slow blink, oblivious written all over his face. "You don't?"

"No," Kamio half smiled, half grimaced. "And I'm not worried about people getting the wrong idea, either."

"Oh."

"Yeah," said Kamio. "So. You thought I was gonna ask you out and you came over here anyway. Do you wanna go out with me?"

"Where?" asked Shinji.

Kamio resisted the urge to find a solid surface and repeatedly slam his head against it. He did twitch a little, though. Direct approach, he reminded himself. Direct. Yeah. Direct was working just a minute ago.

"I like you," Kamio tried again. "I'm attracted to you. I want to have an intimate sexual relationship with you."

Shinji blinked. Kamio stared back. Yeah, his balls were definitely intact now. He didn't even whimper in frustration when Shinji started to lean away from him. He smiled, instead.

"What do you think?" asked Kamio.

Shinji leaned back a little more.

"Careful, or you'll fall off the bed," said Kamio.

Shinji stopped leaning and sent a startled look at what he was sitting on. Like he'd just remembered beds were occasionally used for things besides sleeping.

Kamio admitted that sometimes oblivious was kinda cute. He had to prod himself to stop smirking in amusement and start moving before Shinji made a run for the door.

"Oi, Shinji?"

Dark eyes flicked back to him, and Kamio leaned close enough to kiss him. He didn't do it, but he was in the perfect position for it. He gave his most seductive smile. And Shinji had the nerve to snort at him like it was funny looking. There went his ego. It wasn't like he'd had that much practice at being seductive. Guys, and girls, had been trying to get in his pants for as long as he could remember. Shinji was the weird one who hadn't wanted to jump him on sight. Arrogant oblivious asexual tensai.

Kamio did his best to pretend he wasn't annoyed. "I _really_ like you, Shinji."

"Ah," Shinji nodded. He'd gotten that much. "I like you, too. I wouldn't mind going out with you, if you meant dating and going places. But I don't want to have a sexual relationship. It's messy."

"Messy," Kamio repeated. There was a brick wall two blocks from his house. If he swung his head hard enough, he'd be unconscious after the first blow. "Sex or the relationship?"

"Both," Shinji said, as if it were common knowledge. "Dating looks like fun, if it's with someone you like hanging out with, anyway. But the rest is messy, especially with the same sex. That leads to fights over who's supposed to be the girl, and I don't think you're girlish. If you think I am, I'll have to hurt you. Then there's the sex itself, which is always messy just because it is. Even if one of us _was_ a girl, it would still be messy. And I heard once you start having sex, you can't stop, like a drug addict or something. I already have guys trying to touch me when I take the rail. If I got addicted and started to like that, I'd probably have to kill myself."

"You've...really thought this out," Kamio managed. All he could think was that he wanted to find the person who'd been feeding Shinji that twisted logic and smash his face in with a tennis racket.

Shinji nodded solemnly. "I've had a few people ask to have sex with me. I'm not sure why they're almost always guys. I used to just admit that the idea of them naked made me want to throw up, but they tend to be big guys and that's dangerous. The longer explanation works with anyone, and it's less insulting and personal."

"I see..." Kamio stared.

He wanted names. Anyone who threatened Shinji for turning him down was begging for an ass-kicking. He had an overprotective team just waiting to deliver.

"Wait," Kamio blurted. "Does that mean the idea of _me _naked makes you sick?"

"Not you," Shinji said quickly, a frown starting over his face. "I've seen you naked, remember? I don't look because it's rude, but I'm not blind. If there were something wrong with the way you look, I'd tell you. Not that I'd expect you to change just because there's something about you that I don't like. It's just something friends should do. If I were growing hair in weird places, or smelled like a sewer, I'm sure someone on the team would tell me. Unless that's why you guys look at me sometimes. It's rude, and it makes me uncomfortable. I'd probably notice stuff like that on my own, so there's no need to look for it when we shower."

And now Shinji was scowling outright, resentment and confusion and a little bit of suspicion mixed in. Kamio sighed. Oblivious. Good intentions, thinking that pack of horndogs were watching him out of friendly concern, but completely oblivious. And still, it was kinda cute.

"Shinji," Kamio said slowly, "the guys aren't sneaking peaks at you because there's something wrong with you. It's because you're hot and you're not going out with anyone, so that makes you fair game."

"You, too?" Shinji frowned.

"Yeah," sighed Kamio, "me, too. I told you I was attracted to you. I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable. But you know, if we went out, maybe the guys would stop looking so much."

There wasn't a chance in hell of that happening, but at least they'd be a little less obvious after he told them Shinji had noticed all the staring. Kamio frowned at his would-be boyfriend. Shinji was still within kissing distance, but the mood was pretty much dead. He didn't think this could even be considered seduction. Maybe that whole 'direct approach' wasn't so good when it came to talk. Shinji could talk his way around anything once he got started. It almost made him regret dismissing the 'gag' suggestion. Almost.

"Oi, Shinji?" Kamio prompted.

"What?"

"Are you attracted to me?"

A miracle happened then. Kamio would remember it long after as one of those rare moments when Shinji's blunt nature worked in his favor.

Shinji blinked as if startled. Then he dropped his eyes and, damn, if a blush didn't work its way across his cheeks. He seemed to remember the multiple uses of a bed again, and to recognize his position on said bed, because he shifted uncomfortably like he would have gotten up if Kamio hadn't been leaning over him.

"Sometimes," Shinji mumbled.

Kamio couldn't help the grin that split across his face. Luckily, Shinji wasn't looking at him, so it went unnoticed. He leaned down so they were just barely touching. Go slow, go slow, go slow. Repeating that mantra in his head seemed to be working for now. He did brush cheeks a little, getting close enough to murmur right into Shinji's ear. Earning him a shiver. Oh, yeah. Go slow was _nice_...

"You know," Kamio said quietly, "tennis is messy when you think about it. All sweaty and strenuous with difficult people to deal with, and we do it because we like it and the rewards are more than worth it. This is just like doubles, you just figure out who's in the best position to take the shot and work together for the win. Sure, it might be a little messy, but it's also fun, invigorating, and very, very, enjoyable."

Shinji pulled away so he could look at him. He was frowning, but that blush was still on his face. "Do you think I'm girlish? The girl in this?"

"No," Kamio smiled. "Not a bit. I think you're new to this, so I should take the lead till you catch on. You're as hot when you're confident and in control as you are when you're all flustered and blushing. All that stuff about the girl one and the guy one is just talk, depends on the couple. That's why I said it's like doubles, see? We both know you're a really fast learner."

Shinji narrowed his eyes and let out a skeptical little _'hmm' _sound.

Kamio recognized that sound as thoughts processing in the tensai's head and took that moment to go for the kill before Shinji could turn those convoluted thoughts into words. He kissed him lightly on the mouth, testing the water more than anything. And Shinji blinked at him. Kamio was pretty sure this would work better if Shinji's eyes were closed. More romantic or something. At least he wasn't glaring anymore.

He slipped a hand up to play in Shinji's hair. It was silky and soft and he was so glad Shinji had never cut it shorter than shoulder length. He could tangle a fist in that hair and Shinji wouldn't be able to pull away. If he'd been inclined to move, that is. As seconds ticked by, Kamio realized that this was rather like kissing a doll. A warm doll with a very chewable lower lip. For someone prone to scowling, Shinji had an adorable pout, so getting the chance to nibble on his lips wasn't exactly a bad thing. Still...

His fingers turned and tickled behind Shinji's ear. That got him a surprised little sound as Shinji pulled back as if to protest. Score. Kamio would have grinned if his mouth hadn't been otherwise occupied. He had one sweet taste before things went sour. With a vengeance.

An hour and a half later, Kamio was slumped on the edge of his bed with two sympathetic friends sitting on the floor in front of him. At least, they'd sounded sympathetic when he'd called them earlier. Now they looked more amused than anything, with matching 'I told you so' smirks. Kamio was too depressed to even glare over it.

"Well?" Ishida prodded, his eyes taking in every nuance of Kamio's dejected and frustrated slump. "Details. How bad was it?"

Mori elbowed him, but kept watching Kamio with mirthful eyes.

Kamio glowered faintly and mumbled something. His glare had a little more life in it when Ishida prodded him to repeat that, louder this time.

"He gagged," Kamio muttered.

Ishida cackled. _Cackled._ Kamio almost killed him right there. Who the fuck cackled? It wasn't _that_ funny. At least Mori had the decency to turn his laughter into smothered snorts, like he was choking on something.

"Shut up," Kamio ground out. "Seriously, Ishida, even gay guys aren't supposed to laugh like that."

Ishida just snorted at him and cackled a little more before he was finished. Once he was done, he settled into smiling smugly at his frustrated friend. "Maybe you're just a really bad kisser."

"That's crap," scoffed Kamio. "Even Uchimura jumps at the chance to kiss me."

Mori sniffed a little at that. He'd never quite figured out why his 'boyfriend' didn't care for kissing, but he had noticed that Uchimura broke that rule when it came to Kamio. Personally, he thought that was because Kamio rarely invited kisses, and even people who didn't care much for chocolate would jump at the chance to have some if they'd been denied it for too long. It had nothing to do with Kamio's skill as a kisser. He considered explaining that, but Kamio had enough rejection issues to deal with at the moment.

"So he gagged on you," Ishida prodded with a shitty grin. "And?"

Kamio glowered and dropped his head. "He called me a pervert, griped about me pulling his hair, and then he left."

He had to wait a few minutes for another bout of cackling at his expense. Then he muttered over the complete lack of sympathy in the room.

"_Did_ you pull his hair?" Mori asked, as if that were more important than being called a pervert for a little tongue.

Kamio gave him a funny look. "Yeah, but only because he jerked back so fast. He was being all shy, I swear, he was actually blushing and everything. I didn't think he'd get riled up so fast."

Mori gave a seemingly understanding nod. "And was he angry or disturbed when he left?"

"I don't know," Kamio groaned. He rubbed a hand over his temple. "He was talking too fast, and he wouldn't look at me. He was definitely mad about the hair thing, but the pervert stuff...I don't know. I don't think he heard a word I said. In too much of a hurry to get out of here."

Ishida gave a long sigh and smiled. He knew he shouldn't feel so satisfied over Kamio's frustration, but he _had_ called it. It was Kamio's own fault, expecting things to be simple just because Shinji was his best friend. Silly boy. That was what made Kamio so cute - he could be really naive sometimes.

"You know what that means," Ishida said slowly, catching Kamio's eye. "Don't you?"

"What?" Kamio frowned.

"He freaked out over a little tongue," said Ishida. "There's only one thing to do now."

Kamo frowned a minute or two, trying to figure out what Ishida was thinking that made him have such a devious and eager smirk. Then he recalled their 'helpful' advice, particularly Ishida's input. He promptly sputtered and growled.

"Oh, shut up," Kamio spat. "All it means is I have to try again. You were the one who said everyone has his quirks, right? Maybe he just doesn't like kissing."

"No way," Ishida scoffed. "He didn't just 'not like it', he called you a pervert for it. What do you think he'd have said if you'd groped him instead?"

Mori gave a sad nod. "Ishida has a point."

"I hate you guys," Kamio groaned, "I swear. You have no idea how much talking I had to do, and now you want me to just throw all that away and try forcing the issue? All that trouble, it'd be a total waste!"

"You talked?" Mori asked quietly. "As in, you tried to talk Shinji into it? You tried to out-talk _Shinji_?"

Kamio fell silent and gave a slow, tentative, nod. His friends exchanged a pointed look and he had to sit through yet another bout of laughter. He couldn't even be annoyed by it this time. They were such assholes. Seriously.

"You know what," Kamio said suddenly, his back straight. "I'm gonna talk to someone else. You guys aren't helping."

"Hold up," Ishida said amid snickers. "That's just because you won't take our advice. It's no use asking for help if you don't listen. Besides, who else would you talk to? Tachibana-san? You know he'd just offer to break Shinji in for you, in that soft slowmo way of his. Might as well let one of us have a crack at him if you're not planning to do the work yourself."

There was a lot of truth in that statement. Kamio preferred not to admit it, though. They all knew Tachibana had a soft spot for Shinji, and as much as they all liked their captain, it made his particular way of 'seducing' especially effective. He wasn't exactly slow, but he did have a gentle way of going about things, somehow making it seem like he was giving only what a person wanted, and not getting what he wanted for himself. Maybe it was because they all had a case of hero worship for him. Or maybe Tachibana was just really good at manipulating his eager team. Either way, Kamio didn't want Shinji going anywhere near him.

"I wasn't thinking Tachibana-san," Kamio waved. "I'm not stupid. I was thinking more of someone who's used to dealing with guys like Shinji. Tensai's, you know? Who's banging Kirihara?"

Ishida sputtered in a laugh that was more disbelief than amusement. "Oh, there's an idea. You're going to go from the freezer to the oven with that one."

"Huh?" asked Kamio.

"As far as I know," Ishida continued, with a slightly amused, slightly worried expression, "Kirihara is the butt of his entire team. That's the rumor."

"Not the only rumor, though," said Mori.

"Yeah," Ishida admitted, "but I don't think Kamio should be talking to _him_, either. He's out to learn how to seduce someone, not to get seduced himself."

"What the hell?" Kamio scowled. "Just tell me who."

Ishida and Mori exchanged a reluctant look. Then Mori sighed.

"Sengoku," said Mori. "And as far as I'm concerned, you'd have a better chance going to whoever's doing Seigaku's tensai, than you would trying to get help from _him_. Sengoku's been after your ass since the first time you played each other. Even if he really is the one doing Kirihara, you know he'd be going after you, too, especially with an opening like that."

Kamio's face dropped like a flat ball. "Sengoku. Great. Oh, that's just wonderful. And it figures, too. I really like Shinji, but I don't know if it's worth trading my soul to the devil to get an edge."

"You'd be trading your body, actually," Ishida smirked. "But if that's the way you feel, I'd be happy to take care of Shinji for you."

"Shut up," Kamio said tiredly. "I was being sarcastic."

"And I was being serious," smiled Ishida.

Kamio ignored him. "So those are my options. Force Shinji, probably make him hate me for life, or call Sengoku and imagine him having sex with Kirihara. Sengoku and Kirihara. _Ungh_. Maybe I should just turn straight."

"Good luck with _that_," Ishida snorted.

_**.-.  
**__**TBC**_


End file.
